“Do you need to go outside?”


“Are you ready for your dinner?”


“Do you want to go for a walk?”

SNORT!” Runs in circles. Tail wags, shaking the back half of his body.


Multiple times per day, pet owners experience the moment when their little one saunters/slithers/swoops over to them and locks eyes. Unflinching focus so intense you have to look away for fear your soul may be stolen.

As a dog owner, I understand my guy relies on a daily ritual. Routine brings structure to a life they have little control over and helps reduce the anxiety that comes with that realization. I would like to think I know what he is saying—that I am communicating on a telepathic level with my furry friend. However, in truth he only has a few needs, and based on the time of day, I can usually guess what it is.

But what happens when the stare continues after I’ve exhausted my standard questions? Like an inept charades partner, I return to the top of my list and regurgitate the same guesses he already indicated weren’t correct. You can feel his disappointment as he ultimately gives up and walks away.

How different both of our lives would be if we could just communicate. It doesn’t have to be forever—I don’t need him telling me I spend too much time on my phone or nagging me about whether or not I really need the extra slice of pie—even a minute would do.

For 60 seconds, my dog and I could chat like two old pals. What would I ask or explain to him, what would he want to know?

Close the blinds (no squirrel distractions), sit him down, and press a button—or maybe waving a wand is more appropriate for this magic.

Oh—it’s started! 60…59…58…

A few points of clarification:

  • The guy in the delivery truck and brown outfit is not invading our kingdom. He’s not dangerous. He doesn’t need to be attacked.
  • You don’t own the neighborhood. You have to share the sidewalks, bushes, and fire hydrants with other dogs.
  • When we leave you home alone, we’re always coming back. Usually within four hours so we don’t have to clean any “spots” on the carpet.Sorry about the costumes and sweaters. Mom loves those things.

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