Before the descent into holiday madness officially begins, we're sharing a lighthearted selection from our archives. Enjoy listening to Alan's humorous take on--and suggested "improvements" to--the all too familiar maze of grocery store aisles this time of year.

"...As we embark on our holiday shopping, it does make me wonder what life would be like if empaths ran the show. What if someone was actually thinking about our needs and feelings. And not simply hanging a string of ping pong balls next to the Solo cups (aisle 6)—beer pong has not been on my to-do list in decades—do you even know me, Kroger?? We don’t need an accountant comparing profit margins of Ken’s Ranch Dressing vs. Hidden Valley Ranch. We need someone who thinks about us, who lays out the store in a manner more amenable to real life and who anticipates our needs with products we hadn’t even thought of yet…" – Alan Marnett

When not working on helping to rebuild education for the New Earth, Alan can be found aimlessly browsing the second shelf from the top at his local grocery store and contributing humor to the New Earth Almanac. Find him online at