In our current print edition, contributor Rev. Roby Chevance leads off the conversation on the topic of "Wholism" – an exploration of how in the New Earth, we are striving to become more whole within ourselves, and also individually contributing to the collective Whole. Today, Roby shares her story and offers insight on how women, specifically, can move forward into more meaningful and supportive relationships based on the one universal New Earth ingredient – Love.
Yes, I have been loved by some wonderful men, but it is the love and support of women who have contributed more to my character and helped build my resilience and fortitude. Reflecting on my life, it is the loving care and mentorship of other women that has been one of the greatest contributions to my growth and happiness. Strong, intelligent, worldly women who were resplendently beautiful as they were filled and overflowing with the pains and pleasures of life. How did they ever find the time and energy to care so much about me to provide such great advice, direction, nurturing and support? And somehow, the perfect woman always appeared at the perfect time with the perfect support.
The Buddhist leader known as the Dalai Lama has stated that it would be Western women that saved the world. I have often pondered why he awarded Western women such a role. I have concluded it is because we are bold and audacious with an overwhelming desire to master our spiritual truth by living our lives in joy and beauty while, at the same time, being free from religious dogmas that dictate daily life choices, which allows us to freely apply our immense resolve into supporting those around us to do the same. It is our desire to have a world that works for everyone, and, in this Age of Enlightenment, there seems to be an even more resounding promise that this possibility is available now more than ever.
It seems relationships between women are more raw, open, soul-baring and supportive. We know how to be there for each other because we know what it means to be alone and abandoned. We know how to listen and care because we know how it feels to not be heard and have experienced not being cared for. We know how to uplift and encourage each other because we know what it feels like to be overlooked and undervalued. We easily and effortlessly treat other women the way we wish to be treated. We know the value of having a safe and loving space to share our deepest inner thoughts and be wholly accepted and encouraged.
It is understandable then, that when we experience the sting of criticism or condemnation from another woman, the wounding can be surprising and devastating.
Why do we, as women, find the need to lash out in anger and meanness—especially within spiritual community? I have often pondered this question, and these are the best awarenesses I have cultivated within the realm of my own understanding:
Hurt people, hurt people. This is coupled with the fact that those who gravitate toward community may typically be those seeking solace and connection. This, combined with our incessant need to compare ourselves to other women (this drive of comparison has been fueled through our culture through time immemorial), and then add insecurities and our need to feel better about ourselves, and you have quite a recipe for the potential of less-than-conscious exchanges.
When I have found myself feeling heartbroken and hurt by the actions of others, here are some tools I have used to support myself in restabilizing my well-being and moving on with my life in greater peace and awareness.
I always begin my inquiry by remembering that there is no one “out there.” Everything is within MY hologram, and nothing is happening TO me—it is happening THROUGH me. The offending party is merely pointing me in the direction of a wound I have not completely healed, and there is a powerful gift for me to glean within the situation. Then I ask A LOT of questions:
- What is the false belief or wound that is being triggered within me?
- Is it beneficial for me to make this person’s interesting point of view mean anything within my life?
- Is this person even reacting or responding to me? Are they even seeing me or are they caught in their own reality and projecting onto me? (Remember The Four Agreements: Take nothing personally!)
- What is mine to own and “clean up”?
- Would it be a benefit for me to have a conversation with this person once I have done my work and am not coming from a place of victimhood?
- What would love say to me now?
- What awareness wants to be revealed within this situation? (i.e., This person is not someone to keep in my inner circle. Or, I am grateful this person made me aware of a deeper layer of my wounding. Or, perhaps, I am grateful this person honored our agreement to be reflections for each other to generate greater awareness and freedom for each other, etc.)
- What is right about this that I am not seeing?
I complete my session by asking Spirit to bring women into my life who I may be a true contribution to and those who will be a true contribution to me.
I then end my inquiry by using a tried-and-true meditation: Ho’oponopono. The powerful Hawaiian Huna chant of forgiveness: “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.” I close my eyes, bringing the person into my mind’s eye, and I recite this chant over and over until I have the experience of being completely neutral and my peace is restored.
Another contributing factor to our experience of the pain within the sisterhood is our compulsion to over-give. Created from programming, women may tend to over-give, people-please, and try to be all things to all people. Combine this with an inaccurate conclusion that being spiritual means we must be nice and inclusive to all people who cross our paths. These traits can set us up for the perfect storm.
Spiritual women are typically not quiet. Our mastery of spiritual principle oftentimes places us in the spotlight, and we tend to be leaders in our daily lives and within our communities. This places us in the orbit of wounded women who may project their mother programs onto us and may lead to surprise exchanges of anger and criticism from women we only ever sought to uplift, educate and inspire.
These exchanges can come in the form of someone getting their feelings hurt due to your words or actions, to false accusations, criticisms, or just-plain-mean rumors founded in nothing but the imagination.
How does all this create a perfect storm? Our over-giving can be born from a false belief in “not being enough,” which leads to our need to over-deliver so that we will be appreciated. Being that the core belief is “not good enough,” it makes perfect sense we could generate people criticizing us no matter how much good we do for them or our communities. This pattern of belief collides with the false beliefs of women reacting to their pasts and projecting those wounds onto a female leader figure … and the wheels roll round and round. This becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy for everyone involved!
Remember, every person in your life is showing up, out of love, to play the roles you wrote for them, triggering your own false beliefs. We MUST remember that life is our very own hologram, and all of life reflects to us our own realities! Spiritual evolution requires that we turn our gaze from the external to the internal and do our own work. “We see what we see with” is the ancient spiritual law we would be well served to remember.
Taking impeccable personal responsibility for our experiences is the path of enlightenment, and isn’t that the very reason we are here? If we all let go of our need to receive our security from “being right” and simply allow our experiences to point us in the direction of where we can apply greater consciousness, wouldn’t that create greater peace and empowerment within us all?
One last point for us all to realize. Part of the old paradigm that is currently dying away—our grappling with competition, comparison and separation—was created to keep us in the matrix of reacting and responding to lower-frequency reality. Our reptilian brains were designed to remember bad things—traumas, dangers, hurts—to keep us “safe.” As we are evolving in our awareness and remembering our true natures, the more we are living in the Divine Cooperation of true life. We are reprogramming our minds as we rise to the higher-frequency New Earth to remember the good things that keep us uplifted and connected to the joy of life, the power of Source, and with each other. But until we arrive fully into this new paradigm, we may have the experience of struggling with some of these lower-frequency constructs.
I am happy to report that doing the internal work, gathering spiritual knowledge, and applying the awarenesses will absolutely lead you to be surrounded by powerful, intelligent and beautiful women who love, nurture and support each other in life. Remember, it is Western women who are healing the world! I know we are. I am excited about this opportunity! Are you?
Rev. Roby Chevance is an ordained Minister, teacher, counselor, motivational speaker, psychic, clairvoyant medium and energy healer known for masterfully facilitating people through her private coaching and online Limitless Living courses that train people to master the science and the spirit of energy while putting it to work for them. With clients from around the world, Roby is considered a trail-blazing thought leader of the 21st century. Connect with her at [email protected].